Post Format

Pocahontas at 26 versus 9

3 comments

414px-Pocahontas_by_Simon_van_de_Passe_1616

The semester ended for me last night and I went crazy by cleaning the house and intermittently watching Pocahontas.  That movie seems different now.

Young Me: Ooooooo. London. That’s where A Little Princess lives!
Now Me: Oh wow, that’s London! A modest meal for two people at a fast food restaurant costs ! No wonder they had to sail somewhere else.

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-2

Young Me: John Smith. He’s gonna kick some butt!
Now Me:  Being a census statistician in England must have been a BITCH.  How many John Smiths were around at that time?  How do they know that this John Smith actually did anything, like discovering stuff?  Also, it’s Mel Gibson. ALSO, why does he not have a British accent?

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-70

ALSO. What if we has really just an artisan? And lived with his parents?

tumblr_ljph7qMt3y1qgc8nlo1_500

Young Me: Feather pens!
Now Me:  Indentured servitude and brain drain means the time is ripe for industrial revolution!

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-9

Young Me: Native Americans doing cool Native American stuff. Mmm salmon.
Now Me:  Jared Diamond was right. No wonder they were all killed off with germs, guns, and steel. They were at a huge biological and geographical disadvantage.

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-628

Young Me: She is so pretty. AND she runs and stuff, just like boys do.
Now Me:  She seems really old not to be married. Like, in her early 20s?  What is she doing b.s.ing around while her tribe is handling responsibilities like harvesting?  Is she exempt just because she’s the chief’s daughter? Because that’s a dick move on his part. Probably causes resentment and disharmony in the society.

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-1017

Young Me: This guy seems brave and strong! But a little scary.
Now Me: Someone just give this guy a 30-year fixed-rate mortgage already so he STFUs.

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-1085

Young Me: Wowwwwww. That’s so cool! I wonder what’s gonna happen to Pocahontas now???
Now Me: There is NO WAY  that ships are that big. Also, the Union Jack didn’t even happen until 1601, when James I  took the throne of both Scotland and England.  Even up until that time, the flag was up for debate. But NOOOO. We wouldn’t want to confuse the kids, would we?

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-1973

Young Me: Oh nooooo. The English are going to invade! Bad guys, bad guys!
Now Me: How hard did it suck to live without Google? You couldn’t even search “there are some white dudes wearing bowls on their heads. what are they and what do they want?” You had to consult a dude of dubious forecasting capabilities.

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-2562

Young Me: *totally misses this part because she’s listening to the songs*
Now Me: The cartography visualization is outSTANDING.

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-2842

Young Me: DIG, AND DIG, AND DIG, AND DIGGEDY
Now Me: Why isn’t anyone calling the EPA?!

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-2959

Young Me: Oh no! This guy is going to die!
Now Me: 
Treating gunshot wounds with turtle shells? He must have a really shitty HMO.

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-3979

Young Me: Colors of the wind!
Now Me: 
So THAT’S where obnoxious barefoot running started. At least she doesn’t have Five Fingers.

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-4624

Young Me: Oooo. Love. 
Now Me: 
No WAY they’re already kissing. That didn’t even count as a first date.

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-4780

Young Me: Oooo. Love. 
Now Me: 
The beginnings of the high fructose syrup lobby.

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-5379

Young Me: Oh no! Conflict!
Now Me: 
Why does this dude always look like a British Marine? And he’s the one that can’t shoot? What is Disney trying to tell me?

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-7863

Young Me: Oh no! The movie’s ending. But they won’t see each other again. 
Now Me: 
Yeah, he really does have a shitty HMO. He’s going back to England to be treated by NHS. Medical tourist.

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-8055

Young Me: Waah. 
Now Me: 
It’s ok. She’ll come visit him once she has enough Delta miles. Although, unfortunately, she’ll definitely get the full TSA treatment.

pocahontas-disneyscreencaps.com-8144

There is a whole site called disneyscreencaps.com. That’s where you’ll find me for the majority of this weekend.

3 Comments Join the Conversation

  1. Your 9 years old self hates the adult version of you. COLORS OF THE WIND, JUST ENJOY THEMMMM.

    But really. I recently Googled what the hell “blue corn moon” even means & learned that it’s nothing. The lyricist liked the way it sounded & just made it up. Fraud.

    Reply

    • “So I changed it to blue corn moon, which I thought had a nice resonance to it because of the phrase “blue moon” and the fact that there are things like blue corn tortillas, etc. ” Wow.

      Reply

  2. The accent actually isn’t far off, iiiif you want to go for the historical setting…For example the English accent of the period had not yet lost the hard “r” sound, like in “car”. Whether that was intentional in the production….prolly not. But there ya go!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Required fields are marked *.