I want to bake one-minute bread in the comfort of my own home.  I want to simmer foolproof minestrone. I want to make an advent calendar out of baby socks.  I want to incorporate exotic fruit into latkes.  I want to keep calm and carry on. I want to find the right ponytail for boudoir photography. I want to arrange all of my M.A.C. brand Winter 2012 Edition makeup in a symmetrical container. I need to look sweaty while I am not sweating in head-to-toe Lululemon.  I want to take a picture of only my leopard-print ballet flats looking out shyly from  in the corner of the frame. #nofilter

I need my house to embody the spirit of a gentle December snow for Christmas. I need to take artistic photos  of a delicate summer bouquet perched carefully on a branch. I need to make a chair out of books and photograph it on a hardwood floor. I need to join a CSA that charmingly writes out all of its offerings on a blackboard.  I need to photograph my Starbucks green tea frappuccino. I need more chevrons in my life. I need chocolate mustaches.  I need to do something, anything, with Mason jars.  I need to arrange candles tastefully around a sunset.

I’m blasting through my weight loss plateau.  I’m putting a bow on a corgi.  I’m making Hanukkah cupcakes. I’m buying carefully-stacked vintage luggage. I’m curating my possessions. I’m buying a wedding dress that costs more than the average American makes in a month. I’m organizing a photography shoot including a fur stole and an old camera as soon as possible. I’m tying an inedible bow around an edible cake on a slim 1950s-era pedestal.

I need to make my house look amazing using only pink duct tape. I need to lose those last 100 pounds. I need liquid-lined cat eyes.   I need to have three organic babies and put hand-knit socks on all of them. I need to make my husband wear hand-crafted shirts and a bowtie. I need to spend $40 on a piece of cloth that will perpetually house olive oil stans.

I need to create whole boards dedicated to achieving the perfect hair, the perfect reading nook, the perfect SEO strategy for my vintage cupcake blog.

I need to be different from everyone else.

I need to be pinteresting.




2 thoughts on “Pinteresting

  1. Sorry, I got side railed by one minute bread. That is just bullshit. Not counting the time to measure your ingredients does not magically make it disappear. Not to mention, if you want to start with warm water, that’s more than minute, unless you’re scooping it directly out of your water heat.

    Bullshit. Bullshit, I say!

    OK, got to look into that baby sock thing now.

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