What are White People complaining about today?

As I opened the tab to my favorite White People Newspaper to see what’s going on for the NPR set and people who have iPad anxiety, I noticed an article that has some of these following quotes:

My old colleague Ted Rall recently wrote a column proposing that we divorce income from work and give each citizen a guaranteed paycheck

Here I am largely unmolested by obligations. There is no TV.

“The goal of the future is full unemployment, so we can play. That’s why we have to destroy the present politico-economic system.”

At first I was startled because I thought that somehow the author had found a time machine back to Soviet Russia and then I got excited by the thought of being able to send everyone there.

Then I read more of the article and realized it’s just a White Person complaining about how we’re all overscheduled.

Almost everyone I know is busy. They feel anxious and guilty when they aren’t either working or doing something to promote their work. They schedule in time with friends the way students with 4.0 G.P.A.’s  make sure to sign up for community service because it looks good on their college applications.

So what does the author do to solve this problem?

It got more and more intolerable until finally I fled town to the Undisclosed Location from which I’m writing this.Here I am largely unmolested by obligations. There is no TV. To check e-mail I have to drive to the library. I go a week at a time without seeing anyone I know. I’ve remembered about buttercups, stink bugs and the stars. I read. And I’m finally getting some real writing done for the first time in months.

That’s such a great solution!  I think I’ll do that, too.  You know, go to my Separate Undisclosed Location like I’m Batman and pretend to be an important writer.

Who gets to have secret Undisclosed Locations?  People who actually accomplish stuff and physically need to be in solitude to create. If you have a multi-million dollar business and need to sit in a Very Nice Hotel room for inspiration, props to you, J.

Who does not?  Everyone else, also people who can’t afford to take time off work to indulge in this ridiculousness, also people who can’t afford second homes in the South of France, as one of the NYT writer’s acquaintances does.The solution is as ridiculous as the problem.

Because you know what I do when I feel too busy or stressed? It’s very cheap. Ready?  I open up some of Dat Asti and go sit on my deck and ponder what combination of non-existent problems I can write about so I can be featured in the press.

Or sometimes, I just watch this video.