Goodbye, Cruel World. I ate the sushi.
I know no one cares about what you had for lunch. That’s the fundamental rule of sharing online. But I need to tell you that I just had sushi, so I’m going to die.
I was halfway through a spicy tuna roll when my coworker turned to me and said, “Didn’t I tell you not to buy sushi last week?”
And he was right. Because, you know how sushi has salmonella now? And what’s the main culprit of salmonella? Why, spicy tuna rolls, of course!
I stopped mid-sushi. Finish the roll and don’t go hungry, or throw it away?
I ate the rest of the sushi. Because I am a statistician, and I know I have like a .0001% chance of actually getting salmonella. But mostly because I am cheap and Jewish and lazy and I didn’t want to go buy a second lunch.
And now my head is feeling a little bit faint, but I can’t tell if that’s salmonella or my hypochondria and Jewish paranoia flaring up again?
Oh God, I’m going to get salmonella.