Things I love and hate about America

Things I love about America:

  • The fact that everyone is optimistic here.  Sometimes in an indignant way.  Like you tell someone, “There’s no way we can get that done,” and they’ll tell you, “Why not?” and it’ll be in an incredulous way.  Usually here, if you have grit and determination, you can do anything you set your mind to. Or, you’ll fail, but at least you’ll try instead of being resigned about it.   Anyone can make it here. 
  • Champagne mimosas for brunch.  Whoever invented brunch is a genius.  Whoever invented champagne is even more of a genius.  Champagne is my beverage of choice, because I am an American and I value freedom.  I don’t even care if Champagne is French and my favorite brand is Italian.  Here, we drink Freedom Fizz.
  • Efficiency.  What is efficient in America?  Everything. Drive-throughs. Parking spots for expecting moms.  Automatic checkout at the grocery stores.  1-hour drycleaning.  Returning stuff without receipts. Christmas in July.
  • Innovation.  High-tech.  San Francisco.  iPads. The fact that Big Ben Tweets.  It makes me so proud that we’ve compressed the invention of hundreds of years of technology into about 10 so that I can read BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG right now.
Things I hate about America:
The fact that American optimism, love of brunch, efficiency, and innovation has led to this:
It’s PANCAKES WRAPPED AROUND TURKEY SAUSAGE.  ON A STICK. SUPPOSEDLY. DO YOU THINK IT’S REAL?  IT’S AN ATROCITY.
MY GOD AMERICA, PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.
EVEN DON DRAPER IS ASHAMED.

Vicki

15 thoughts on “Things I love and hate about America

  1. American food seems to be a game of “Can you top this?” It’s hard to get people’s attention with peanuts, but if you can make peanut butter waffle sandwich cookie ice cream, and name it after a sports team, then you might have something.

  2. I’m not trying to seem uncultured or anything, but I would eat the shit out of those Jimmy D things. IT IS ALL THE THINGS HUNGOVER ME EVER WANTS. I could eat them in bed !!!! And because it is on a stick, I wouldn’t need a plate so I wouldn’t feel like my life is heading in the wrong direction because I’m eating in bed hungover. I wonder if they exist in Canada. 

  3. favorite thing about this post:  it started to be smart and insightful and reflective in a humorous and clever way, then ended with “WTF AMERICA, GRIDDLE STICKS?” 
     
    Also, I expected at least one of those you tube links to be a Rick Roll.  I don’t know why, paranoia from all the griddle-stick grease maybe.

  4. They want $3.89 for that?  Feh!
    Having lived here for a decade and a half, I don’t think SF is synonymous with innovation.  Sure, we have our $8 sandwiches, and what would I do if I had to live elsewhere?  Eat Jimmy D’s?  Innovation happens to the South of SF, and mostly a product of brains raised outside of CA.  We can’t even put an interesting looking building in SF because the city won’t stand for it.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>