Hi! I’m a blogger and I used to be really cool and funny and as a result, I got TONS of traffic. And, OMG advertisers started e-mailing me, too, which makes me feel really important. So instead of writing the smart, moving, and beautifully-written content that I got noticed for, I am whoring myself out for a $20 Steak n’ Shake Maker, $100 Knife, or a book that I could have potentially bought by foregoing my weekly latte. And I really want that Steak n’Shake! But I also want you to have one so you can leave over 100 comments on my blog and drive up traffic! Nothing makes my day more than more blog traffic. Well, except for a Stake n’ Shake. Or an Anthropologie top.
So, today, to commemorate the fact that I no longer consider myself a writer but more like those people flipping signs off the Rockville Pike, I’m giving away one (1) free (of no value) MY DIGNITY to a commenter picked by a random-number generator that I hold over your head to make me feel important.
To enter the giveaway:
- Make sure to leave a comment. Or, actually, at least two. Yeah, definitely at least two comments. With your email address. So I can spam you later.
- The comment has to be about how much you hate your own dignity by leaving fawning comments on my blog. Do you love my hair today? Make sure to tell me! I really need to hear it! How about the wall color behind me in the picture? Does my heavily-Photoshopped fantasy life strike your fancy? Please justify my life choices in the comments!
- The person with the saddest comment will receive all of my dignity. Leave your email address so I can send it to you, along with a 20-cent coupon for Target.
- Limit one (1) entry per person, unless you want to leave comments under pseudonyms. That’s totally cool. It boosts my comment count.
- Giveaway opens and closes whenever I feel like it, because in this little part of the blogosphere with three readers, I am your own personal God. Or Oprah. Whichever you believe in.
- There will only be one winner. My dignity is really small. Sorry about that.
- Go! Fight! Win!