We’re Getting Our Backsplash Installed By Russians. Pray for us.

Rule Nomer Odin * of living in Russian Philadelphia is: Never get involved with Russian businesses.  Ever.

So we’re hiring a Russian to do our kitchen backsplash.

Here are reasons you should never do business with Russians:

And yet, we as a Russian community bear all of these grievances with a quiet and heavy heart, because we are Jewish, and cheap as hell, and there is no way we are paying full American prices for services and goods rendered. What are we, freiers?  Also, we like paying in cash.
So it is with great sorrow that I must announce that we are going to hire a Russian contractor to do the backsplash in our kitchen (something like this).  We have no idea who this guy is yet, but Mr. B’s mom knows a friend who knows him, so he is OBVIOUSLY legit. Also, I don’t think he has a last name.
Here’s a before picture of our beautiful new kitchen. Just in case. For insurance purposes. Pray for us.
*By the way, I just realized that Russian has two words for the number “one.”, Odin and raz’, which you use when you’re counting. But you can also use odin.  You can see how this number confusion can result in discrepancies of hundreds of dollars of tax evasion among Russian businesses.