I spotted this article in the New York Times which is timely, because I’ve been playing quite the game of chess myself lately. (Note that Kosteniuk, who seems awesome, no longer lives in our Great Motherland but conveniently resides in Florida, where she doesn’t have to worry about most of her winnings going to fund Russia pressuring Belarus out of cakes and pies not to mention any and all natural resources.)
And, you know, I can relate to the pressures of playing high-profile chess games. I’ve been playing dozens of chess games lately. Mr. B installed a chess application on my Android phone when he was bored and ever since then I’ve been hooked on winning.
The only problem is that, after two weeks straight of playing at least three games a day, I have yet to win one. This is made all the more intimidating as Mr. B, a childhood chess champion, stands over my shoulder from time to time and points out all of the wrong moves I make and then, when I offer him to take over the game, wins immediately. And then when I call him a genius and suggest that he quit his job so that I can manage his genius and make money off of him playing chess full time like that other Jew Weinstein, he modestly demurs and says that he’s very rusty and can’t play very well. Do you understand why more women don’t play chess?
This is all extremely disappointing, especially since Mr. B has previously rejected my plans for him to play tennis for fame and money, create programs to steal fractions of a cent,or become a professional boxer.
The problem here is that, as a Russian, I am expected to play excellent chess to conform to national stereotypes. And, apparently, also pose nude with extremely large chess sets (this link is surprisingly safe for work).
However, since I have almost zero logic skills (the kind that would make you consider a career in computer programming and, say, create programs to steal fractions of a cent over time,) I am stuck losing every single time. So, until Mr. B gets his act together, I will be forced to continuously play the games as depicted below, in hopes that I will be in shape to play for the big bucks. Someone has to make the money in this family.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Hehe. I honestly think more women in general should play strategy and team-building games. We tend to branch off from boys when they start playing group sports and video games and I think we lose our edge. I say less women cheering on the sidelines and more women winning the game. YOU CAN DO IT!!! ;o)
I don’t know what it is, but I think girls in the U.S. are taught differently than those in Eastern Europe. Why are there E. European chess champion women and none in the U.S. that we hear about frequently? Also, chess is boring as hell unless you’re smart.
1. e4 – direct replies to my e-mail
Sounds, like me, that you play chess because you “should” rather than because you are drawn to the game.
That link that you posted that was SFW despite saying “nude” in the link (you tease!) was consistently condescending towards her. She’s in her mid 20s by now but still a “girl”. Well, I’m supposed to be working from home so I’ll stop now.
Enjoyed “le blog” today.
See, that may be the crux of the problem. I actually do enjoy playing chess but I get so stressed that I’m missing an opponent’s plan of attack that I can’t see three steps ahead and ultimately lose.
Working from home is great.
“I say less women cheering on the sidelines and more women winning the game.”
How about more women making fun of the game, instead? Much more fun.
Is there a chess satire blog? I’m all over it.
Wait, you mean to say that being a Russian Jew you are not a chess prodigy?! And you don’t wear micro-mini skirts with see-through tops and high-heels to a grocery store? Well, do you play a violin or a piano? Are you sure you’re from Russia? See what happens when kids leave the Motherland at such a tender age… Outrageous!
This is a problem I have unfortunately been dealing with since my young years. The only Russian stereotype I hold is being pessimistic and bleak.