The Snowpocalypse Rains Down Calamity and Soviet Russia on DC
You probably won’t hear from me next week, because I’ll be snowed under. You may have heard that the DC area is scheduled to be obliterated like Atlantis over the weekend due to the snowpocalypse that will occur:
As a result, all Hell has broken loose in the DC region and my local Giant supermarket has turned into a stunning example of Soviet breadlines that my parents lived through. I can only say, Lord have mercy on yuppies like me that have had to experience alarming shortages of Danon Extra Bacteria Yogurt. There was no milk in our store.
Sorry. I mean NO ORGANIC GREEN VEGETABLES OF ANY KIND. AND NO LOCALLY-SOURCED CUCUMBERS.
And look at this government worker from Rockville crying into her ordinary parsley. OH, THE HUMANITY. ONLY RED PEPPERS. NO GREEN.
There was only soy milk. No regular, skim milk. HOW WILL I SURVIVE THE SNOWPOCALYPSE?
And no Post cereals. Only generic brand. This is inhumane.
Others have also noticed the horrors.
I’m with you buddy. It was exactly like Soviet Russia.
If you don’t hear from me, I’ve perished in the yuppie food riots.